Day 10 – the end of the Amanda Todd video

Amendment: This must have been around the point when I began to steer away from the thought that Amanda was just a delinquent and moved towards the influence of the parents.

A quick hello to everybody. Thanks for following this blog, and I hope you are all in good health. I send you peace and love.

OK – greetings over. I’m aware that I might be rushing things. Or am I? It seems to be taking a long time to sum up this story, but I need to make sure that I cover as much as possible. I try to remain unbiased, but I find it difficult. And I can’t keep trying to offer every single permutation of events – it’s just not possible. I can try to offer as much evidence as I can – this will be done better later on in the blog. When I first examined this story, I never imagined that I would be writing about it 4 months later so I never kept a record of the articles I read. I have some bookmarked, but I have to rely on memory about which article contains which comment, and where I first encountered things. Not very professional. As with most lies and fake stories, it is very often the complete LACK of evidence that supports certain claims. But more often than not, truth, or proof that the story is a lie, finds a way of showing itself, and that will be shown later. For instance, when a mother gives three different accounts of an incident, you know it’s time to smell a rat.

But back to the video. The big fight has occurred. I will briefly go back over it. What is remarkable in this story is this: it all begins way back – maybe 2008, definitely 2009, and through to 2012. The bullying comes in late – maybe as late as 2012 (is this March 2012?). This initial event constitutes 0.1% of the time line (assuming it was one day out of nearly three years or more). Even if you add in other possibilities, bullying is a small part of the story. And it’s not even bullying in the common understanding of it. More commonly, bullies seek an innocent victim – someone who is too fat, too thin, too small, too big, of a different race or religion, of a different gender. They will persecute this person – finding them, tracking them down, making their lives a misery. But this wasn’t that type of bullying, and it has led to much conflict.

Throughout the story, many commenters have said that Amanda deserved what happened to her. This is harsh, but I know what they mean. It’s just a bad use of the word ‘deserved’. A better way of putting it is to say she she asked for it, she had it coming, she saw the big ‘No Entry’ signs and drove straight through. Amanda – if she had any sense, or any guidance from parents – should have known she was heading for trouble. We can excuse her first forays into online nakedness, but we can’t excuse her inability to take the heavy hint from BlogTV when she was banned. We can excuse her Facebook indiscretions, but not when she continues after being warned off after the December 2010 events. We might even excuse the drink and drugs, but she KEEPS on pushing her luck. Nudity online; under-age drinking; drugs; under-age sex. All these are ILLEGAL. You might excuse a 12 year old, but you can’t keep on making excuses – even the dimmest of 13-14 year olds knows what is legal. And this is why she got the backlash. Kids have their own ways of administering the Laws of teen behaviour, and Amanda was breaking them all. Kids don’t mind seeing talent, but they hate a show-off; kids don’t mind pretty girls, but they hate a narcissist; kids accept online nudity, but not ‘pornstar’ exhibitionism; they don’t mind sex too much, but promiscuity and sleeping with another girl’s boyfriend – that’s too much. Amanda was simply making it bad for herself. What supposedly happened was sad, but it should not come as a surprise.

Back to the fight. Weird. The 15 original aggressors, plus 50 spectators. Quite a crowd. Where were the teachers?

We are still at 6:09 in the video. I mentioned this in the last post: ‘it was my fault and my idea’. Odd. But we will continue. ‘I didn’t want him getting hurt’. Still odd. ‘he just wanted the sex’. Is this a bit jumbled? ‘Someone yelled punch her’. Haven’t we seen all this?

So – from 6:09 to 6:30 is confusing, and when stories are confused like this, it’s indicative of things being not quite true. I’m guessing that she is relating a post-fight inquest. The ‘it was my fault and my idea’ can’t be referring to the fight. It must be the sex events leading up to it. But just what was going on?

Let’s get some things straight. Under-age sex in most countries is seen as a felony, and a very serious issue. It usually – unless you’re in Canada, it seems – gets dealt with by authorities. Amanda couldn’t just get it brushed off with an excuse. We could assume that it was all covered up – to save the teachers/authorities the bother, I guess, and also (I guess) – if the teachers followed up every instance of under-age sex, they would never be free to get on with their work. But given Amanda’s situation, I’m surprised nothing was followed up. Was it just a case of ‘Oh no! Not again!’? Had she become a tiresome problem?

But let’s assume things are ignored by the school. What on earth did the parents do? Ignore it again, it appears. What would you do? I would like to think that I would never have allowed all this to get so far. But kids are clever – they can cover their tracks, particularly if they are not paid much attention. If they have a webcam in the bedroom, they can be up to all sorts, and will say they are talking to friends – parents can be depressingly stupid. But if my kid had been attacked at school, and admitted to having sex and what not, I would have gone BALLISTIC. I would have gone mad, especially with all the history. No stone would have been left unturned. I would have seen the head of the school, the teachers. Her mother worked in schools, for God’s sake. I would have found out who the kids were, who was responsible, and I would have done everything in my power to deal with it – perhaps even launching a prosecution for assault. Amanda would go on triple-quadruple lockdown – supervised, looked after, guided. Off of Facebook, off of YouTube, the works. But no. Seriously – I have tried to be calm in this blog – but what the fuck were they doing?

Teachers run over. A bit late, but never mind. But they don’t look after her? They don’t help? Where’s the compassion? No hugs? No protection? No ‘wait in my office until your parents arrive’? It’s too ludicrous to comprehend.

She goes and chucks herself in a ditch. WHERE WERE THE TEACHERS? If this event is true, Amanda is truly in despair. Did no-one help? Did no-one keep an eye on her? If  it was my daughter, I would have wanted to prosecute the school for extreme negligence. Where was the ‘in loco parentis’ rule? Something is extremely wrong in this story, and it leads me to believe that either it can’t be true or that, between them, the teachers and parents and police have deliberately steered this story to avoid blame. It shocks and perturbs me – deeply.

So dad finds her in the ditch. If it is true, she’s obviously broken. She’s bust. This is about as low as any human can get. And so we get the bleach episode. This could be true. When you reach this point and become suicidal, all rational thought goes out the window. You don’t even anticipate the pain of bleach – the end of it all is the goal, and the most convenient method is used.

But is it true? We will overlook the lack of parental supervision, and provide, yet again, excuses. The drinking of bleach could have taken less than a minute. You can’t be watching all the time. But bleach drinking is serious. It can, and often does, destroy the larynx, and cause major harm to internal organs. Just how much did she drink, and why?

My view is this. Suicide is complicated. The mind and body goes to extreme lengths to protect itself, and it is only at times of acute despair that a person is able to override the will to survive. I think that Amanda didn’t gulp down a big quantity – it would have done a lot of damage. Going by research and evidence, I can assume that she drank quite a small amount before she stopped herself. Or she believed that a small amount would kill her. To a certain extent, it’s irrelevant. It was a gesture of a very sad and disturbed young girl.

So she goes to hospital, the bleach is flushed out, and she’s relatively OK. From the way she recounts the story, the fight, the drinking of the bleach and the trip to hospital covers 24 hours. It might be 48 hours, but it’s quite rapid. So now we see the next appalling episode.

After all the stalking, after all the online bother, Amanda is STILL on Facebook. And it is (according to the story) yet again, the source of trouble for her. After all the past history, Amanda and her parents (for reference: mother later lays claim to being very computer savvy) haven’t even had the nous to switch off the Facebook messaging facility. So there are messages.

This is extraordinary, and substantiates a lot of what I’ve been saying – Amanda just wasn’t liked to the extent that the media portrays. Kids are vile, but we still have to ask: what was the motivation behind the messages (there appear to be more than one)? Can we put it down to a handful of vindictive enemies? Possibly. Kids are cruel. But why SO cruel?

Now comes the oddest comment, and it’s one I can’t quite fathom, as it doesn’t fit in with the timeline as I see it, nor does it fit in with with future comments. I might have to return to this later.

‘nobody cared…I moved away to another city to my moms’

It is at this point I move into legally dodgy territory, and I’m not sure how to cover myself. It is pointless to refer to ‘mother’ and ‘father’ as if they are two unknown characters – everyone knows they are Carol Todd and Norm Todd, and I will be referring to them a lot from now on. I will have to liberally sprinkle the following text with ‘allegedly’. All I can say is that I have tried to put together the story as accurately as possible. I can verify most of what is said using press reports and quotes directly from these people. However, in an extreme caveat, I’ll say this: all the references in this blog to Carol Todd and Norm Todd are NOT TRUE. They are speculation and rumour, and not to be taken in any way as FACT. Thank you. Back to the video. 7:05.

This bears investigation. ‘nobody cared’. This is sad. Nobody cared. You’re in trouble; you supposedly have a stalker; the police have called at least once; you’ve been beaten up; you’ve self-harmed; you’ve attempted suicide. But nobody appears to care. Just what is going on? It is quite common for depressives to think that no-one cares, even when they are surrounded by carers. But, at this level, something is not right.

‘I moved away to another city to my moms’ – I’m not sure about this. Right at the very beginning, we know that Amanda was in Port Coquitlam, and that is constantly confirmed by other information and by the press. She is always referred to as coming from Port Coquitlam, though there is one mention of Vancouver in her history. But we also know that, at some point, she was in Maple Ridge, 15 miles away. In reports, mother implies that she was always there for her daughter, and that this was over a period of time. But we know this to be false – Amanda was with father from 2009 through to March 2012. I need to fully verify the moves, and I need to know for sure when she ended up at CABE. Was the bullying at CABE or Maple Ridge? Did she just flit from PoCo to Maple Ridge, and then back again? I’m not 100% sure at this point.

What is interesting here is why was she living with dad, and not mother? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that there was the typical scenario for troubled children going on in the background – a lack of parental stability. She must have felt deserted by mother – it’s quite rare, especially for a daughter, not to have been with mother throughout all this time. But mother repeatedly implies that she was always there for her. Really? Or too busy sorting out another relationship. Amanda’s actions are typical of a ‘lost child’ – at the time when she most needed the full dedication of parents, she was not the centre of attention, moving from pillar to post physically and emotionally. What was going on in the background? Just why does parental responsibility seem to be so lacking? And how on earth did Carol Todd appear to become known – after the event – as some sort of world expert on bullying and the raising of a child, when, out of all this story she had only spent the last six months with her daughter? It’s all very peculiar. I may have to return to this later.

She’s at another school (was I wrong, and is this now CABE, where I thought she was during the bullying event?) It must be CABE. She refers to not pressing charges, but I’m not sure about this. What supposedly happened was too much to dismiss by not pressing charges – it might well have been taken out of her hands. But if she refused to say anything, the authorities might have dropped things. But what we are missing out on here is the huge amount of backstory.

We know she was trouble with a capital T. We know that her online flash is common knowledge, and that many people know of her BlogTV escapades, her drinking, the drugs, and the sex. But is this known by people close to her? Maybe not. If she were to press charges, it would all come out. Her aggressors would say things, and show evidence. Defenders of her aggressors would use every bit of available information to protect their clients. Amanda would have been aware of all this. Note that in the entire video, there is never even the slightest hint of a confessional attitude – she protects herself, never admitting the truth, always playing the victim. Better to be seen as someone who doesn’t press charges than someone with a lot to hide. Lies weigh heavy on a person’s conscience, and, by not telling the truth, Amanda’s burden gets heavier and heavier. She thinks that the video will be her absolution, but deep down she knows it’s not true. It’s her one final effort to overcome her past. I seriously think that she thought it was the beginning of a fresh start. She would continue as the hero, the victim, the brave girl – the singer of pop songs, the great Amanda Todd. I think she was encouraged to do this by people around her – people who had fallen for the story, and didn’t know the one massive fact – the Internet never forgets, and never forgives. But I digress. On with the video.

‘6 months has gone by’ – this would seem to imply that the fight time was around early 2012. It would also imply that mother has only really been on the scene since then, which is conflicting.

But what do we note? Good grief! She is STILL on Facebook. If you knew that somebody in your town was a psychopathic killer, would you invite him round for tea? If you knew you had enemies, would you put on a party for them? No. So if you think that there is some stalker-predator online, someone who has tracked you down more than once, if you know that there are people wishing you dead and throwing insults at you, wouldn’t you keep off Facebook? At least for a while, or less frequently, or in a more secure fashion? If Amanda, being an Internet-addicted, high-risk category child couldn’t do it, don’t you think computer-savvy mother might have stepped in? It would have been so easy to stay online, but in a much, much safer way. Please, don’t give me all this old pony about not being able to control a child, or to stop them doing things. That is true at a low level of day-to-day activity, but for God’s sake – you have a mentally disturbed child, who is suicidal, under threat, and extremely vulnerable, and you STILL give them unfettered access to the Internet? You should be prosecuted for negligence.

I need to remain calm. Please excuse the term ‘pony’. Look it up. This story makes me so furious. It’s not about bullying at all – that’s just a part of it. It is about criminal parental neglect (and a load more). CRIMINAL PARENTAL NEGLECT. Just how they’ve managed to escape criticism so much is beyond me.

‘people are posting pics of bleach, clorex and ditches’. Evil kids. But two things – people should have known who was posting these things but, more importantly, they should have DEALT WITH IT. This is an emergency for Pete’s sake. Stay away from it. Block people. Control it. It really isn’t difficult. Show some discipline. Respond in a responsible fashion. Surprisingly, life CAN continue without Facebook, you know.

Everything is coming back to haunt her. Four months after the event, it is astonishing to see the many photos that keep on cropping up from God knows where. Just how many pictures and videos were out there? So it’s no surprise that she’s getting tagged.

Out of context, we get: ‘I was doing a lot better too’. At some point around now, it would appear that Amanda gets hospitalised, and may be in therapy. Does she mean she is doing a lot better mentally, or is it just at school? If only someone had said ‘get off the Internet’.

She is still getting the hatred. But this can only happen if it’s allowed to happen. Has she come off Facebook? No. Closed other accounts? No. Come off YouTube? I think not. Why is she continually allowed to expose herself to all this stuff? I despair.

It is towards this point when I get some sort of overload. Things start to become too incredible. Even with knowledge of the Jessi Slaughter case, I simply find it hard to comprehend, and that is why I have reached the conclusion that a Hell of a lot of this is faked. I’m prepared to make lots of excuses for Amanda – that she was mentally ill, she was incredibly stupid, that she had been sent insane by a combination of stalking and bullying, even that she was some sort of innocent, misguided kid. But if I make excuses for Amanda, I can’t possibly make excuses for her parents – no way.

I repeat myself. If you had a young, defenceless, damaged daughter who was so much at risk, not only from real life violence, but from an unknown online ‘predator’ and online hatred, wouldn’t you try to prevent at least part of this? Wouldn’t you man up and BAN Facebook in the house? Even if you were ignorant, wouldn’t you get informed about the Internet and get her to delete all her accounts and information? Wouldn’t you at least try? But there is no sign of this. Remember: despite knowing that the Internet is one of their daughter’s worst enemies, the parents not only cheerfully stand back and let her have Facebook, they let her open up ANOTHER YouTube channel, advertising herself all over again. It’s shameful.

But I must move on. 7:40. ‘Why do I get this? I messed up, but why follow me’ Bloody, bloody Hell! She still doesn’t get it, does she?

‘Why do I get this?’ We know why she gets it. She’s got a bad reputation. Seriously, she invites problems. Is she still so stupid that she thinks that she’s blameless? Online pornography, drink, drugs, shagging another girl’s boyfriend – there are four reasons. Add in the rumours that she wasn’t very nice, and you’ve got all the reasons.

‘I messed up, but why follow me’ – because they can, and you take the problems with you. In the olden days, you might be able to avoid the past. You could move to another town, and build another life relatively easy. The worst you might get is gossip. But we’re in the 21st Century now. You could move to Outer Mongolia, and you would still risk someone seeing you online. And it takes seconds to send a malicious message – no effort at all. But even worse – why move to Outer Mongolia, and then advertise yourself through YouTube, and put your name and picture all over Facebook, saying ‘I’m in Outer Mongolia’? If you know you are hated – hasn’t that sunk in yet? – just lie low. And ‘messed up’ – you sure did, but much more than you care to admit.

Now we get to the truly sad bit. ‘Everyday I think why am I still here?’

‘My anxiety is horrible now..never went out this summer’ Really? There are loads of pictures that show you did.

‘All from my past’ (which, for the hundredth time I’ve now brought to the world’s attention) ‘lifes never getting better’ (and this video will make it so much easier) ‘cant go to school’ (can’t or won’t?).

Then we have the next major lie – just to squeeze out that last bit of drama and sympathy – ‘contstanly cutting’. No, that’s not true. Look at those pristine arms in the video; in all her photos; her mother says she was prevented from cutting. Not true. ‘Constantly cutting’ would mean bandages and scars. Fabrication again. Just as I was beginning to have some sympathy, too.

She’s on anti-depressants and getting counselling – about three years too late. Still no warnings about being online, though

And then – she overdoses. Really, we shouldn’t be surprised. And this is sad. Yet another cry for help that never gets answered.

‘Im stuck..whats left of me now..nothing stops’ ‘I have nobody I need someone’

What are we to make of these last, poignant words? These are gut-wrenching. Surely, it doesn’t take much to think that this has become one long suicide note. But no. What do you mean, no? Let’s have a look at mother’s fantastic response:

Taken from this article:

http://www.ottawacitizen.com/health/Amanda+Todd+mother+talks+about+life+with+daughter/7422101/story.html

“At the end of her video, Amanda held up a card that read: “I have nobody, I need someone.”

Carol says she didn’t understand why Amanda wrote that, but she never asked.”

“she didn’t understand why Amanda wrote that, but she never asked” Just what the bloody fuck was Mrs Todd thinking?

7 thoughts on “Day 10 – the end of the Amanda Todd video

  1. I have viewed Amanda’s video 3 times in total. Twice when I first looked into story & once recently whilst I was reading your blog. After my second viewing I posted my reaction on my own facebook page & I was very critical of people in her life who had seen this video before she took her life & had ignored what I had taken to he her last cry for help. ‘I have no one. I need someone’ was the part that stuck out alarmingly for me. She was clearly saying that whatever support she was receiving at this time wasn’t enough. I queried why no one had even asked her! No parent, teacher, or friend…no one. That saddened & angered me so much at the time. When friends commented on my post I then went as far as to say her video was a suicide note on video. I have always believed that.

    I become less judgemental when I realised that it was easy for me to state this whilst it wasn’t happening directly to me. I saw her parents & my heart went out to them. How they must punish themselves is what I thought. They don’t need judgements from me. This is very true but I also hadn’t asked for Amanda’s story to come into my life. It became increasingly harder to ignore.

    You described her video in a very similar way to mine, both here on blog but also previously on your own page whilst discussing it with someone whom disagreed with you. I guess its one of the reasons I choose to follow that page & now this blog. It has made me unpopular in certain quarters, especially as I started asking some questions about the full story, not the story full of holes which is on internet. I’ve been accused of not being on Amanda’s side & asked, suspiciously, why I was even interested in story.

    For the sake of the record I will say parts of Amanda’s story runs parallel to past events in my own life. Not nearly as dramatic & certainly not the same sad outcome. A young female family member (just a few months younger than Amanda) was having way too much freedom, smoking, drinking, parties & hanging with much older guys. She was also skipping school. I was alarmed, shocked & dismayed. Both her parents had their heads firmly in the sand & the issue became ‘whats it to do with you?(me)’ Parents can be depressingly stupid you said? Oh you bet they can! Stick with the denial that makes you not face up to your own negligence & blame others! Yeah like that helps the child?! I share both your anger & frustration with some parents!

    Now let me say now I have a lot of sympathy for Amanda’s family. It must be hell. However this story’s end was highly preventable, there’s little doubt in that. If that makes me the bad guy for saying that then so be it. I will always defend Amanda. She was too young, too naive to foresee the consequence of her actions & paid the ultimate price. For a 15 year old girl to see death as the only solution to her problems is horrific & to brush the full story under the carpet is doing Amanda a disservice. This is just my opinion, thanks for reading this.

    • I agree with your first paragraph. Surely, anyone with the slightest bit of compassion or intelligence would see that, even if you dismissed it as not being a suicide note (the accompanying text on the original makes it more confusing), then at least it was a very serious issue. For mother to dismiss it so easily – well, I find that outrageous. Not to even ask? It is aspects like this that make me feel the story is just not right. I find it all too incredible.
      But I really don’t feel sorry for them. I might have done, but not only is their obvious negligence too close to criminality (in the UK, I’m sure they would have been treated differently from the start), but the actions of the mother after the events are tawdry. I will expand this in the blog. The mother has managed to turn this into a circus. If it’s true, then they ought to punish themselves – severely. But that’s my opinion.
      You’re next paragraph hints at the reactions towards anyone who questions this story. As you know, I have had death threats. It’s another extraordinary aspect I will go into later.
      I, too, have had similar things happen in my life, but I won’t go into them here. As you know, one’s own experiences give one better insights. I am aware that even vigilant parents can be taken in by their kids – few parents want to assume the worst. But in this case? Overt cries for help from 2009 onwards? I can’t forgive them.
      Was this story preventable? Who knows? I think so. But people with as many issues as Amanda are usually doomed. Mental illness and depression are complex issues. However, in Amanda’s case I think she was drowning, and nobody paid attention to her cries for help. But I don’t wish to come down on one side. As you know, I don’t think that Amanda was as naive as you seem to think. You are, in effect, doing a disservice to teens.
      When I was a kid, I gave up certain aspects of my behaviour when I realised that the days of just being told off were gone. I was 11. I might have been young, but I knew the difference between right and wrong, and the consequences. Aged 12, I was pretty naive, but I still had a moral core. By 13-14, I would have known what was likely to cause trouble for me. With the tons of information available to kids today, things are different. She knew that what she was doing was not right. As you say, for a 15 year old to feel suicidal is sad. But you don’t have to look very far to see that cutting and suicide amongst teenage girls has almost become fashionable – and it will be more so after the Amanda Todd story.

  2. Ha ha… I was just online around and took a glimpse at these remarks. I can’t believe there’s still this much attention. Thanks for posting about this.

  3. May I simply say what a comfort to discover someone that truly knows what they’re talking about on the internet. You actually understand how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More and more people have to look at this and understand this side of the story. I can’t believe you aren’t more popular because you most certainly possess the gift.

  4. Thanks for the sensible critique. Me & my neighbor were just preparing to do a little research about this. We got a grab a book from our area library but I think I learned more clear from this post. I am very glad to see such wonderful information being shared freely out there.

  5. Philip, you keep going on and on about Amanda being allowed to return over and over to the source of her trouble. The story in your link was the one I was thinking of because of what her mother had said, and I recall wanting to throttle her for allowing this to happen. Her mother said:

    “You can’t unplug a computer. It was hard to take her phone away as it is now the lifeline of most teenagers. Doing that would increase her anxiety and increase her depression because I’d be taking away typical teenage things.

    “She didn’t feel she had a normal life…. My job as a mom was to make it better, not to make it worse. One of them was not taking away the Internet but trying to teach her how to use it properly.”

    I STILL want to throttle her.

  6. I’m impressed, I have to admit. Seldom do I come across a blog that’s both equally educative and engaging, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. The problem is something which too few folks are speaking intelligently about. I’m very happy that I found this in my hunt for something concerning this.

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