Amanda’s begging letter to mom


People may wonder why I forensically investigate the Amanda Todd story. There are many reasons, but the main one is that I firmly believe that we HAVE to look at the aspect of parenting, and I am shocked by how much this has been ignored.

The above picture is of a letter sent by Amanda to her mom in 2011, nearly a year before she moved back home. This is a terrible, heart-breaking plea for love and help, a sad request to mom to invite Amanda back into the home and to forgive her. It looks like that request was never fulfilled.

What are we to make of it?

‘ever since I left you I just feel like I am worthless’. We know that there was some big argument between mom and Amanda. Was she in some way exiled by Carol? Did Carol make Amanda feel worthless?

‘I was so mean to you’. Daughter/mom rows can be horrendous, but how much did Carol push Amanda away as punishment?

‘I just want you to believe in me’. Is this not just sad? We know that Carol had a lot of difficulty emotionally linking with Amanda, but as this letter progresses, the pain of reading it becomes almost unbearable.

‘everday I need you’. Yet Carol wasn’t there. ‘I wanna try being the daughter you always dreamed of’. A child therapist would go mad over that comment. It shows that Amanda must have felt a great deal of shame about herself, and that the feeling of disapproval came mostly from Carol. And yet Carol witters on about her precious Princess Snowflake – the precious Princess who was not good enough for Carol.

‘it would mean the world to me if you gave me another chance’. Really, do I need to comment here? This letter is gut-wrenchingly sad, even for hard-hearted me.

‘I need to come home’….’give me the chance to love you again’….’I need you’….

This is the first time in a long time that I have felt upset by this horrible, horrible tale of despair.

This letter is just so full of sorrow. It is the email equivalent of a child begging on their hands and knees for a cuddle, for forgiveness, for the love of a mother. And what was the result? Nothing. Yet again, if I had been Carol I would have raced round to embrace Amanda, wrapped her up, and taken her back home. I would have smothered her with love and forgiveness. Yet it was almost a year before Amanda returned to the home she so desperately wanted – a year in which she got more and more involved online, cried out more and more for love and affection, a year in which her self-esteem virtually disappeared.

Carol Todd is a complex character. She does a good talk about looking after the safety of kids online. People think she is motivated by some sort of saintly crusade. I say she is motivated by a desire to cover up what, as this letter plainly shows, is something worse than neglect, something worse than ineptitude – heartless emotional cruelty and selfishness from a warped mother. She continues to disgust me.

P.S. People call ME heartless and despicable? Good grief! If I were heartless and despicable, I would have turned my back on this months ago. My errant aims to desperately bring attention to the importance of good parenting may have wandered off track a few times, but I can’t remain silent when this letter shows the incredibly excruciating pain and anguish that can be caused by idiotic parent/child emotional heartlessness.

The fact that this email achieved nothing must have been like a stab to the heart for Amanda. And guess who held the knife?

Enough. I can feel anger. Not a good thing.


6 thoughts on “Amanda’s begging letter to mom

  1. The mind of Carol? All she sees is the final line – ‘your an amazing mom’. All that other people see is a sad begging letter from a very lost and confused child.

  2. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen that text before anywhere. Wherever did you find it? It fits in perfectly with Amanda’s Youtube claim in early 2011 that Carol had stopped speaking to her and was essentially acting as if she didn’t exist. I never could quite square that with the attitude Carol was exhibiting after Amanda’s death and had simply chalked it up to more of Amanda’s lies. Maybe my presumption was incorrect.

    • This text is taken from a speech given by Carol to the Canadian Safe Schools Network in February of this year.
      I find it on one hand very sad, and on the other, very anger-making. Sad because Amanda is so desperately pleading for love from her mom, and anger-making because it is so obvious that Carol was playing the cruellest game of all – the withdrawal of a mother’s love. My oh my, how I hate this woman.
      In fact, I would say that this is the only thing I have found that genuinely causes me despair and upset, because it is just…well, what can I say? Unbearably tragic.
      Horrible people inevitably give themselves away (Freud and all that). As time goes on we see the true RCMP email, the true messages, and now we see the true mother/daughter relationship.
      I may write a post about it – trying to explain just what I think happened here, and why. However, I am currently too emotional to deal with it properly. When so many people think Carol is the mom-of-all-moms, when she has won awards for being Saint Carol of Good Mothers, and so many people have attacked me over the months for doubting this, remaining sane is quite difficult!
      I would love to know what the Todd acolytes think. They can only say ‘photoshop’ or claim ‘liar’ but to me this letter is a game-changer – even the most devout Todder must be pressed to defend her now.
      You know, sometimes I actually wish I DIDN’T find this stuff.
      Anyways – on a personal level, I owe you for the information you supplied, as the whole of this blog has kind of revolved around those chatlogs. But I sort of give myself a pat on the back for finding a few cards up my sleeve that have surprised you!

  3. I note that the Todd supporters will rush in to attack when I get close to touching a nerve, calling me a liar and worse. Yet when I post something that is so condemning – like this letter – they have no response. What do you have to say? The least you could do is rush to produce some defence. But there is none. Hence the silence.

  4. Well its all about interpretation i Guess. You can take it anyway you want because this letter doesnt tell what caused the situation. These are my 2 cents, the parents are divorced. Amanda is a puber, Things are happening, Amanda Stated she was using, and doing unhealthy things, because if it. Her mother probably tried to get a grip on it, and Amanda was “mean” to her like a problem puber can be. Things probably went south. The parents probably thought it was better if she was With her father, perhaps getting the situation under control. And Amanda may have used i want to live with dad … plus they perhaps had hoped this change could benefit her. Howeverb Amanda started realizing that perhaps her mom was better to talk to then… Maybe the dad opposed of his daughter going Back to mom, as clearly there were problems… big problems. Imo they must have felt helpless, desperate. As a parent you do not have control on whats happening with external influences, as Bullying, etc. Pubers can take Things very….extreme, Thats why they are still minors…its over they will never etc… in a way the way you react.. imo would even further lead Amanda to desperation? whAt would you have done?

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