The way this blog works is to make the latest post the most viewed. Once a post is followed by another, it usually fades into obscurity. So – as I am leaving this blog alone for a while, I tried to decide how I would leave it. I chose to copy this blog post from a few days ago. Why? Because I feel it underlines a key problem. Oscar Wilde wrote that we always kill the ones we love, not with a sword but with words. In most tragedies, there is a pivotal moment at which the seeds of destruction are sown. Begging for forgiveness, begging to come home, begging for acceptance, as Amanda does here. And all for nought. As we have seen, Carol doesn’t score high on the forgiveness rating – she should have applied it to her daughter. Ta ta for now!
People may wonder why I forensically investigate the Amanda Todd story. There are many reasons, but the main one is that I firmly believe that we HAVE to look at the aspect of parenting, and I am shocked by how much this has been ignored.
The above picture is of a letter sent by Amanda to her mom in 2011, nearly a year before she moved back home. This is a terrible, heart-breaking plea for love and help, a sad request to mom to invite Amanda back into the home and to forgive her. It looks like that request was never fulfilled.
What are we to make of it?
‘ever since I left you I just feel like I am worthless’. We know that there was some big argument between mom and Amanda. Was she in some way exiled by Carol? Did Carol make Amanda feel worthless?
‘I was so mean to you’. Daughter/mom rows can be horrendous, but how much did Carol push Amanda away as punishment?
‘I just want you to believe in me’. Is this not just sad? We know that Carol had a lot of difficulty emotionally linking with Amanda, but as this letter progresses, the pain of reading it becomes almost unbearable.
‘everday I need you’. Yet Carol wasn’t there. ‘I wanna try being the daughter you always dreamed of’. A child therapist would go mad over that comment. It shows that Amanda must have felt a great deal of shame about herself, and that the feeling of disapproval came mostly from Carol. And yet Carol witters on about her precious Princess Snowflake – the precious Princess who was not good enough for Carol.
‘it would mean the world to me if you gave me another chance’. Really, do I need to comment here? This letter is gut-wrenchingly sad, even for hard-hearted me.
‘I need to come home’….’give me the chance to love you again’….’I need you’….
This is the first time in a long time that I have felt upset by this horrible, horrible tale of despair.
This letter is just so full of sorrow. It is the email equivalent of a child begging on their hands and knees for a cuddle, for forgiveness, for the love of a mother. And what was the result? Nothing. Yet again, if I had been Carol I would have raced round to embrace Amanda, wrapped her up, and taken her back home. I would have smothered her with love and forgiveness. Yet it was almost a year before Amanda returned to the home she so desperately wanted – a year in which she got more and more involved online, cried out more and more for love and affection, a year in which her self-esteem virtually disappeared.
Carol Todd is a complex character. She does a good talk about looking after the safety of kids online. People think she is motivated by some sort of saintly crusade. I say she is motivated by a desire to cover up what, as this letter plainly shows, is something worse than neglect, something worse than ineptitude – heartless emotional cruelty and selfishness from a warped mother. She continues to disgust me.
P.S. People call ME heartless and despicable? Good grief! If I were heartless and despicable, I would have turned my back on this months ago. My errant aims to desperately bring attention to the importance of good parenting may have wandered off track a few times, but I can’t remain silent when this letter shows the incredibly excruciating pain and anguish that can be caused by idiotic parent/child emotional heartlessness.
The fact that this email achieved nothing must have been like a stab to the heart for Amanda. And guess who held the knife?
Enough. I can feel anger. Not a good thing.