Copied from April, 2013
Sorry about the jpg. Just click on it.
As soon as one thing seems to get resolved, something else crops up that turns a lot of the story upside down again. There is a lot of grief in this – not just for the main participants, but for those other, more innocent victims of the witch hunts, the hatred, the suspicions. And for all those people from all across the world, all those genuine people, all those kids who have cried about this, it’s a terrible shame.
We have – and it saddens me to say this – been severely tricked. I thought that I would be jumping for joy as I learned that more and more of what I was saying was coming true, but instead I’m simply becoming more disheartened.
The details I have posted today are true. I will seek to evaluate them as clinically and as precisely as I possibly can. At first, I was just tempted to post the screen cap and leave it up to readers to make up their own minds. But, as usual, I will try to analyse what is behind all of this.
As you will see, the capture is from December 5th, 2010. That’s ten days after ‘cutieelover’ aka Amanda Todd joined BlogTV. What she did, or where she was prior to that, I don’t know at the moment. This is eighteen days before the police arrived on her doorstep on December 23rd.
Note that the BlogTV rules are absolutely clear. I have criticised BlogTV (now YouNow) for allowing things, but to give them credit, they were quite clear about the rules, and very quick to ban people who broke them. There is no real excuse for not knowing that nudity was frowned upon. As we know, cutiielover was banned twelve days later.
Amanda is quite well-known. It is possible that, from the commencement of her membership of BlogTV on November 26th, she could have received quite a following – reputations grow fast online.
Note: this may not be the full online conversation for December 5th. I originally thought that this might be the beginning of it all, but it is possible that there were earlier comments.
The first comment available is a cordial ‘sexy’. The second comment from cutieelover is – well, what? – poignant? Could that be the word? I don’t know. Or it could just be straightforward. Who can tell?
‘im not like that anymore’
What can anyone read into this? It sounds quite forlorn, like she’s realised something, and has decided to stop. On it’s own, it sounds like it’s a finality, but, sadly, we know that just a few days later she was flashing again, and that this behaviour continued on for quite some time. Can we deduce any period of time from this? Like I said – and I hope – her reputation might have simply grown in the previous two weeks, but I retain a slight idea that these are the words of someone who has been quite known for some time. But that is irrelevant, really.
It looks like one of her fans issues a ‘sigh’ of disappointment. Or of shared sadness?
I guess that the next comment is from someone new to the room: ‘what were u like’. The answer is horrible.
What in God’s name would make a girl say this? Here are some attempts to explain, but first let me say that it is significant and important. It points strongly towards why so many people used the word ‘slut’ to describe her – it’s the term she has applied to herself. It is actually Amanda herself who first uses the term to describe her own behaviour. People would have read these comments, and no doubt her friends would have heard her say it.
There are two reasons why she should have said this. The first is quite a cold-hearted suggestion; the second is gut-wrenchingly sad. I would prefer to choose the first. It kills me more to choose the second.
The first reason: Amanda is relatively proud of being seen as a slut. It’s a sort of show-off, attention-seeking phrase – ‘Look at me! I’m a slut! I’m not a mundane nobody, I’m someone who boys queue up to see! I’m the centre of attention, and that makes me feel important!’
Look at the news. We live in a society where sluttish behaviour makes you rich and famous. You know the names, I have no need to make a list. Reality TV praises the slut, denigrates the nice people. Look at the magazines aimed at later teens, read by 12-year-olds. In the UK, it’s ‘Nuts’ and ‘Zoo’. And those idiotic cretins who invented ‘slut walks’ – be proud that you look like a slut! Have they ANY idea what they are doing? (OK, reader, I’ll get down off my soap box)
Like so many words these days, slut has lost its meaning. It’s tossed around school playgrounds as easily as the old words like ‘fatty’ and ‘foureyes’. There is a distinct possibility that Amanda uses the term ‘slut’ as a badge of distinction.
The second reason: Amanda might have had such low self-esteem that she had become used to calling herself a slut. Why she would do this, I don’t know. From family background, I would guess the origin lay elsewhere. There are plenty of vile parents who will destroy their kids’ self-worth, but I don’t see that here. If anything, it might have been the opposite from her parents – they might have built her ego up to massive proportions.
So why would she tag herself a slut? Did she go online, get naked, expect to get praise but get called a slut? Did she find that the only way to get the BlogTV viewers interested was to behave like a slut? It is extraordinary how dependent kids are on online feedback, and we know that Amanda was addicted to it.
Another, less probable but viable view is this: we know that Amanda possibly suffered from learning difficulties. She may well have had a huge sense that she was, in some way, a disappointment and failure. She had tried desperately to publicise herself online and elsewhere – singing, cheerleading – but it looks like the only thing she, as a person, felt that she truly excelled at, and that got her the attention, was to be a slut.
I must move on. The newbie answers a plaintive and shocked ‘oh’. Someone posts a picture.
‘lol….i kinda like sluts’ – seen as positive feedback?
The newbie asks her what made her change her mind.
‘idk why’ is Kon*** basically answering his own statement two lines above.
Another person enters the room.
Dun*** writes: ‘she is a slut she still is 1’. How is that meant? How is that taken? A joke? An insult? Horrifyingly aggressive male words? Or teen nonsense?
And then we have it:
‘all my friends found my pic’
Not ‘I’ve been stalked’. Not ‘I’ve been blackmailed’. All her friends found her pic. To me, this proves that the blackmail case is now closed. She said this to cover herself. There WAS a lot of stuff going on a la Peyton Ramsey, and it’s all very convoluted. But you can strike ‘blackmail’ and ‘stalker’ from the notebook for now.
The way this blog works is to make the latest post the most viewed. Once a post is followed by another, it usually fades into obscurity. So – as I am leaving this blog alone for a while, I tried to decide how I would leave it. I chose to copy this blog post from a few days ago. Why? Because I feel it underlines a key problem. Oscar Wilde wrote that we always kill the ones we love, not with a sword but with words. In most tragedies, there is a pivotal moment at which the seeds of destruction are sown. Begging for forgiveness, begging to come home, begging for acceptance, as Amanda does here. And all for nought. As we have seen, Carol doesn’t score high on the forgiveness rating – she should have applied it to her daughter. Ta ta for now!
People may wonder why I forensically investigate the Amanda Todd story. There are many reasons, but the main one is that I firmly believe that we HAVE to look at the aspect of parenting, and I am shocked by how much this has been ignored.
The above picture is of a letter sent by Amanda to her mom in 2011, nearly a year before she moved back home. This is a terrible, heart-breaking plea for love and help, a sad request to mom to invite Amanda back into the home and to forgive her. It looks like that request was never fulfilled.
What are we to make of it?
‘ever since I left you I just feel like I am worthless’. We know that there was some big argument between mom and Amanda. Was she in some way exiled by Carol? Did Carol make Amanda feel worthless?
‘I was so mean to you’. Daughter/mom rows can be horrendous, but how much did Carol push Amanda away as punishment?
‘I just want you to believe in me’. Is this not just sad? We know that Carol had a lot of difficulty emotionally linking with Amanda, but as this letter progresses, the pain of reading it becomes almost unbearable.
‘everday I need you’. Yet Carol wasn’t there. ‘I wanna try being the daughter you always dreamed of’. A child therapist would go mad over that comment. It shows that Amanda must have felt a great deal of shame about herself, and that the feeling of disapproval came mostly from Carol. And yet Carol witters on about her precious Princess Snowflake – the precious Princess who was not good enough for Carol.
‘it would mean the world to me if you gave me another chance’. Really, do I need to comment here? This letter is gut-wrenchingly sad, even for hard-hearted me.
‘I need to come home’….’give me the chance to love you again’….’I need you’….
This is the first time in a long time that I have felt upset by this horrible, horrible tale of despair.
This letter is just so full of sorrow. It is the email equivalent of a child begging on their hands and knees for a cuddle, for forgiveness, for the love of a mother. And what was the result? Nothing. Yet again, if I had been Carol I would have raced round to embrace Amanda, wrapped her up, and taken her back home. I would have smothered her with love and forgiveness. Yet it was almost a year before Amanda returned to the home she so desperately wanted – a year in which she got more and more involved online, cried out more and more for love and affection, a year in which her self-esteem virtually disappeared.
Carol Todd is a complex character. She does a good talk about looking after the safety of kids online. People think she is motivated by some sort of saintly crusade. I say she is motivated by a desire to cover up what, as this letter plainly shows, is something worse than neglect, something worse than ineptitude – heartless emotional cruelty and selfishness from a warped mother. She continues to disgust me.
P.S. People call ME heartless and despicable? Good grief! If I were heartless and despicable, I would have turned my back on this months ago. My errant aims to desperately bring attention to the importance of good parenting may have wandered off track a few times, but I can’t remain silent when this letter shows the incredibly excruciating pain and anguish that can be caused by idiotic parent/child emotional heartlessness.
The fact that this email achieved nothing must have been like a stab to the heart for Amanda. And guess who held the knife?
Enough. I can feel anger. Not a good thing.
It really has become a struggle to put anything sensible in this blog. The trend of cyberbullying has all but vanished – a victim of overexposure, mainly, but it’s also being rejected because of all the inconsistencies. People like their news to be plain and simple, not full of thought-provoking issues such as cyber self-harm and mental illness. But most of all, the parents who read this stuff steer clear of the idea that they might be in any way to blame so, as more and more people investigate the effect of parenting, so more and more parents turn their backs on the cause.
My poor old blog is dying! Only 750 views yesterday, so it’s on its way out. There was a minor rally as the die-hard mental patients who still support Canning and Todd staged one last ‘He’s a pedophile stalker’ campaign. For a short while it was amusing to hear all the old claptrap – he’s called Chris Rowe, he’s called David Sanders, he will be arrested – but it soon becomes tiresome. I have likened all this to smoking. When trying to give up, there’s always that yearning for just one more, and that’s what it’s like with this blog, and maybe the entire Amanda Todd story. Those involved – in their heart of hearts – know it’s not worth continuing, but just have to have that one last puff.
Anyways. I have just chucked in four bits of news that people might find passes the time.
First, this bit of nonsense:
Just where do these people come from? Everyone knows that fairy tales and nursery rhymes have roots in tales of dire warning. Little Red Riding Hood? And now the true Sleeping Beauty is about ‘She’s discovered by a king who repeatedly rapes her while she’s unconscious.’ Bit like the Rehtaeh Parsons story, but not quite so romantic.
Next, a sort of hotch-potch of an article about how cyberbullying is too hyped:
And then this article from the Guardian:
With the above article, it is interesting to note how some people perceive ‘attention seeking’. From experience, those who verbalise about their suicidal feelings are doing just that – seeking attention. It starts off as a sort of plea for help, but rapidly turns into a soul-sucking leeching of the emotions of everyone around them. One thing that suicide-displayers have in common is that they are inordinately self-absorbed and self-centred. And mostly women, but that kind of goes without saying. It’s all about them. But once they start, they can’t stop. If they begin to lose attention because of their unceasing ‘me me me’ activities, they up the game and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy – their antics about ‘I feel so alone’ end up making everyone around them exhausted, frustrated, even angry, so eventually they are alone. Why do you think that, when people actually commit suicide, the common response is ‘It came as such a shock’? Just let me tell you this gem of wisdom: the more someone is saying they will do themselves in, the less likely they are to do it. Watch out for the quiet withdrawn soul. Not the idiot who broadcasts it.
And last, but not least, the ‘Slenderman’ lunacy. You can Google all that. God knows what we can learn from all this. But I don’t think that the action is appalling, it’s what comes afterwards. One girl who just happens to be mentally disturbed, wired wrongly, over-imaginative, call it what you will, joins with another girl in a ‘folie a deux’ that, thank God, didn’t result in a death. This is – purely and simply – just an example of what kids can do if their brain patterns are not quite right. However, the desire to send them to prison and charge them as adults is far more of a crime. They need love, care, compassion, medical help. Not pointless punishment.
Just a reminder to all you Todd people out there. Despite Amanda doing what she did for so long and so repeatedly, you all claimed that she had to be ‘innocent’ because she was a child. Yet the children who sent her messages were all evil and should rot in Hell (your words, not mine). Are the ‘Slenderman’ girls innocent, or should they too rot in Hell? Is it any wonder that children are confused?
Have a good weekend!